We had a fantastic talk from Toni who shared her wealth of knowledge about nurturing youngsters with SEND and fostering positive relationships within the family. Toni has many years of experience of running nurture groups at Newtown School and elsewhere. It was such an informative and affirming morning and all those who came fully appreciated Toni’s guidance. Here are some of the things she shared:
- All behaviour is communication
- If your child is disregulated, they need at least 40 minutes to calm down with little commnuication during this time
- Crunchy food and thick milkshakes are really helpful
- Remember PACE (Patience, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy)
- Be playful, let them feel safe with their emotions
- Meet them where they are, put own frustrations aside
- Use ‘I can see that ………’
- Spend 20 minutes a day doing something with your child / giving them your sole attention
- Try a weekly family meeting. each member has opportunity to talk, provide snacks
- Have family rules eg ‘In our house we use calm voices’
- Have a safe space, don’t use time out
- Limit choices so they feel successful
- Use 3rd party praise/ talk about them to someone else
- Consistency important, takes 21 days to brea a habit
- Use natural consequences – ‘When you ……. , you can …….’, You didn’t …….. , so you can’t …….’
- Try ‘I see you are being really careful’ rather then ‘Don’t drop it!’
- Use a timeframe if are hyperfocused on a task, transition – show an interest in what they are doing eg on tablet
- Tip – bank their minutes if they hand over screen
- Remember the smallest of transitions can be huge
- Stick on lights good to use when tasks done
- Remenber difference between meltdown and tantrum
- Good to have safe person who can give time for children / family
- Children can link things to trauma eg time of year, way a person looks
- Mindfulness – so effective to help self-regulate